January, 2021
The phrase ‘mental health’ gives me a sense of comfort because I know I have it. I am forty-three years old and I deal with schizophrenia. It is hard to detect when you are the one going through it. Fortunately, I had wonderful grandparents and a caring mother. They were the ones who spotted the symptoms. It took a good sitting down by my grandmother. I knew what I was going through, and it felt hopeless. I knew I could trust her. The fits of anger, outbursts, and the misconception of others. I started feeling so alienated. I trusted my grandmother, so we sought out therapy.
I had not experienced these symptoms growing up or even in my teens. They started in my marriage. I was married at 22, still a young man. I loved my wife. There was a whirlwind of emotions as we began our marriage. With intimate decisions such as this wall needs to be blue or you get this side of the closet. My condition grew. During the pregnancy of my daughter, my perception of other people's views started to feel like a personal attack. I routinely stuffed these feelings inside not really acting upon them or telling anyone. Voices started. They were not like spiritual beings were talking to me. It was more like things I had heard, or reappearing words that would hit. Usually, when stress levels were at their highest. I started to isolate myself. I was miserable. I could not perceive what people were really saying to me. Why now? I had a child on the way, and I was working. I felt like there was no rest. My marriage lasted a year and a half. At the end we were so far apart. We tried everything.
I have come to learn that people are who they are. It is up to me to be the positive person no matter the situation.
I moved in with my mother and tried to sort things out. My family was caring and understanding. The outbursts and negativity were ruining my life. I tried to keep in contact with my ex, but the walls had come up on both sides. I always kept my daughter in my heart. I did not want her to be brought up in a home with all that turmoil. It took my grandmother to suggest a different path. The path started with counseling. I had my beliefs with mental health, but with a grandmother who was a nurse, I went in.
I was amazed after I began therapy that there was a term for what I was going through. I began to trust the outside sources, which was unlike me. The people I got to know during this time stay with me. I still remember the game plan I worked on. I worked on goals. The comfort that I felt working with my therapist. They could see something I could not. The sessions were very effective. I started to see the progress in my life. I was able to live without symptoms. With my support always a call away. If I can say anything it would be that the people who work with mental health can really help and bring you up out of your situation. They are qualified and professional. Do not let fear stand in the way to your recovery. It is out there. They are truly there to help.